You may kind of hate kids after all.
Solution: To ensure that none of your friends will ever ask you to babysit their children again, just read them one of these super creepy kids books below. Trust me, after the parents come home to sobbing children who refuse to let go of their arms and insist on sleeping in the master bed for at least two weeks, you will never be asked to babysit again.
So you probably know that you shouldn’t charge an elephant or ride or manatee, but did you also know that smiling at a monkey is a sign of aggression that may prompt an attack? Your nieces and nephews have to grow up sometime, and after they read this book, they’ll steer clear of all animals, including the family golden retriever and that stupid, stupid goldfish.
In this fun little tale, each of the 26 children feature die a ridiculous death, such as falling down stairs or choking on produce. This book will not only terrify your friends’ kids, but will petrify your friends as well! Double points for you!
Ok, so this is probably the most disturbing book on the list because it describes a phenomenon that many people think actually happened. Evidently, a bunch of people lost their collective minds in the 1980’s and believed that children were being systematically abused as part of some growing Satanic movement. The FBI launched a massive investigation, and even though they could find no evidence that any such thing ever happened, people were still convinced their little cherubs were made part of some Satanic cult. But at least there was a children’s book written about it, right?
Zombies are awesome, and maybe if kids read enough zombie books when they are little, they won’t be tempted to read books about morose glittery vampires when they become preteens.
What’s Under the Bed? is a classic, and one sure to frighten the wee ones. I would be sure to take this copy home with you once you leave though–you don’t want to be too obvious about your devious intentions.
Happy reading and sweet dreams!